Monthly Archives: May 2017

Thoughts on Mother’s Day


People come down on babies in bellies for stretching a mother so literally & figuratively thin that actual stretch marks appear. Figuratively speaking, I’ve never been so psychotic as when I became Maridith Lane the Mom, Est. 2012. I feel myself losing brain cells on the daily. Literally speaking, the stretch marks were there WAY before my belly housed a human, so that’s on me I guess.

I hear all you optimists shouting from the mothering mountaintops that you love every second as a mom and just savor it and it all passes too fast but enough is enough. I love my baby boys so much it makes my legs go numb but I don’t always like them. Some would argue that’s because I’m not content in life or because I don’t even like myself. Maybe that’s true sometimes but we’re not talking about me. Pessimists make up the other 50% of the world’s population so let us just have a minute, ok?

The difference between your first & second labors/deliveries? You called a taxi for a ride to the hospital the first go round. You drove yourself to pick up KFC & newborn diapers on the way to the hospital the second go round.

Another difference? Two sets of stitches & 3 days in hospital with baby number one. No tearing with number two & you were home a mere 10 hours after pushing out that bundle, hosting a party for friends who were moving. There’s nothing you can’t do.

The best thing I’ve ever heard about mothering came from my dear friend & mentor, Charlotte Cearly. “Motherhood is just so… daily.” It never ends. And quite frankly, sometimes you just want it to. Just for five minutes, though, because you will start to miss those tiny people you desperately wanted to send into exile just moments before. This is your job forever & ever. No backing down. No letting up. Unless you’re in the cookie aisle with two in diapers. THAT’S when you give in.

No one prepares you for how bi-polar you will become in your marriage. One moment, your heart will soar with a new-found love for your husband-turned-father. The next moment, he can’t do anything right & why do you have to do it all by yourself & why can’t he just remember how to do this & PLEASE! it’s actual common sense & AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Motherhood: the near-impossible balance between “do it yourself, son” & “here, let mama help.”

Mother’s Day this year is giving me all the manic-depressive feels. I want another baby but I also want to never have a baby ever again. Is it possible to snuggle a newborn for a few months & then give them away until they have proper linguistic ability & a mid-range level of self-sufficiency? Asking for a friend.

It is unlikely that my boys will ever know this heart-stopping, back aching, belly stretching, motherly love since they indeed will never be mothers. But I won’t let that stop me from showing them how it’s done, one mind-numbing day at a time.